


Crash and Burn.

by summersrage



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Multi, POV Cassian Andor, POV Jyn Erso, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:44:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summersrage/pseuds/summersrage
Summary: He sat at the bar, a glass full of who knows what, his third one, chatting with a beautiful woman that he’d wordlessly seduced from across the bar. He’d gotten her to approach with nothing more than a few looks and the purchase of a drink.The spy's charm.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Two stories in two days!? *gaspers*

The cheap hootch burned the back of her throat as she nursed it from the dark corner of the not so secret makeshift cantina on the whatever backwater planet they had been sent to. The dim lighting offered her shadows in which she could easily hide and the angle gave her a view of the entire room, though her sights were set on one person in particular. 

He sat at the bar, a glass full of who knows what, his third one, chatting with a beautiful woman that he’d wordlessly seduced from across the bar. He’d gotten her to approach with nothing more than a few looks and the purchase of a drink. 

The spy's charm.

Jyn watched as the nameless woman threw her head back, black hair falling perfectly falling from her shoulders, as she laughed at something Cassian had said. 

Jyn and Cassian’s relationship had been built on nothing but fleeting moments and a mutual understanding of each other. It wouldn’t seem like much to most, but to the two souls who had lost everything in a war that was not theirs to fight, it was everything and more. 

...

When she’d been drug into the Rebel Command Center after her “rescue” as they’d called it, Jyn had instantly noticed the man hidden amongst the shadows. 

Spy. 

Jyn Erso had been trained by Saw Gerrera, by age 10 she had become his right hand, his most trusted soldier. When Saw dumped her on some backwater planet at the age of 16 she’d used her training for another cause, survival. She’d not lived this long on luck alone. So when the man, the spy, finally made himself known it was not his appearance that startled her but the questions he posed. They’d clearly done their research, unearthed the secrets she’d buried deep in the bowels of her mind sending every unsavory memory she’d tried so hard to repress bubbling to the surface. 

Their promise of freedom was empty, there was no place in the galaxy that was untouched by war and destruction and they all knew it. Their threat of sending her back to Wobani was just as empty, even Saw wasn’t reckless to risk valuable time and resources on such a petty endeavor. The Rebellion’s officers clearly hadn’t expected to agree, if their faces were anything to go by. Jyn’s mind wondered for a brief moment as to what their Plan B was should she have refused but some things are better left unanswered.

The meeting adjourned shortly after agreeing to meet with Saw, the woman informing her that she would be released into the custody of the spy, Andor, until their departure the following day. With that, the keys to her shackles were handed over and the room emptied leaving the two of them alone. 

Jyn didn’t know what to expect from the spy, he was seasoned and obviously well trained, face painted neutral and unwilling to give up any secrets. Nothing could have surprised Jyn more than when he reached for the too tight manacles that dug deeper into her already raw wrists and released her from their iron grasp. A flash of emotion passed over his face so brief she wouldn’t have noticed had she not been trained to. 

Without explanation, he nodded for her to follow him.

The base wasn’t what she’d call nice but it was a significant upgrade from her previous lodgings. Andor made no attempt to explain where things were, nor did she ask. 

As they ventured further into the base, the hustle, and bustle around them began to fade into stillness, hallways turning into what resembled barracks putting her senses immediately on high alert. 

The droid who’d caught her on Wobani stood, seeming to wait for them, outside one of the open doors. Andor, Cassian she remembered, nodded once before turning to her. 

“Am I expected to keep your bed warm now as well? Not even Saw stooped that low.” Jyn sneered, bracing for a fight. Anger and something she wouldn’t be able to place until much later flashed across his face, he didn’t take the bait though.

“These are your quarters for the evening, we leave at 0600 tomorrow. Kay-Two is the only one who has the codes to gain entrance and will standing guard outside to ensure you don’t try anything fishy. Inside you will find equipment chosen based on your measurements. Should you require anything further send word to Kay and it will acquired it for you should it be deemed necessary.”

...

His words and movements had been careful that night, his manner practiced, much as it is now with the woman at the bar. She whispered something into his ear, he nodded. With one had on the small of her back he allowed the woman to lead him to what Jyn knew was her room. His eyes briefly catching her own, Jyn raised her glass to him, a reminder that he had an hour before she would come looking for him.

Her heart dropping into the pit of her stomach as she watched him disappear into a cloud of smoke. 

It would be 45 minutes before he returned, clothes rumpled and hair askew, his hand rose to the back of his neck, their signal that it was time to leave. Abandoning her drink she made her way to the front of the bar and out into the chill of the evening. 

…

The ship had been silent, as it usually was after a mission, Cassian retreating into the cargo hold for the duration of the flight to collect his thoughts and schooling his face into a neutral expression, yet another mask he wore for the Rebellion. It wouldn’t be until after debriefing that all his covers and personas would fall away, stripping down to Cassian Andor, or what was left of him. Vulnerable and alone, he’d curl up and scream himself hoarse, cry himself sick, or whatever it was he needed to do. He allowed himself these precious moments before slipping back into Captain Cassian Andor, spy and most valuable asset in Intelligence, and opened his datapad to began preparing for his next mission.

It was his dirty little secret, one Jyn discovered by accident. 

The mission had been short by Intelligence standards, his first undercover since Scarif. Darvin clearly distrusted her and the mission was a blatant attempt to get Cassian back out in the field and put as much distance between them as possible.

His plan failed spectacularly.

He’d gone to collect intel on a rumoured sex trade on an Imperial-run planet. Jyn had not been permitted to accompany him but this did not stop her from hacking the Intelligence database and what she found was more horrific than she could ever imagine. Lifeforms of all sexes, ages, and species were being brutalized and sold to the highest bidder day in and day out. Raped and tortured, their lives were snuffed short once their broken bodies could no longer serve their purpose. 

Cassian had used one of his aliases to gain entrance, and while his job had not been specified Jyn could not begin to imagine the horrors he’d seen and forced to commit. But nothing could prepare her for the man that returned to her.

Waiting on the tarmac she froze as a man began his walk down the ramp. Cassian’s hair was still short in typical Imperial fashion, his clothes hung loosely off his limbs and his eyes, his eyes were dark and sunken into the sockets, heavy bags hanging under them. 

“Cass…” she began as he drew closer, her heart dropped as he shook his head, hand going out to stop her from coming any closer.

All she could do was watch his figure disappeared into the base, no doubt heading for debriefing like the good soldier that he was.

Ascending the ramp of the ship Cassian had vacated, Jyn found her way to the cockpit where she suspected Kay-Two was finishing up the post-flight procedures.

“Jyn Erso,” the droid said without looking up from his task at hand. “I calculated that there was a 40% chance you would come looking for me.”

“And the other 60%?”

“That you would have Cassian retire to his quarters or demand to be a part of his debrief as there is a 99% chance you hacked into the Alliance computers searching for details on the mission. I also suspect that Cassian allowed his emotions to show after disembarking.”

“What happened Kay?” She said, unable to deny any of his claims.

“As I’m sure you know by now, Cassian was to infiltrate an Imperial sex trade. My job was to stay in his quarters and gather what information I could from the surrounding networks.”

“Surely he must have said something to you?”

“He has me record the intel recovered but never divulged in unnecessary details. I suspect that, with a little prying, there is an 85% chance that he will talk to you.”

“Do you have any idea when his debrief will conclude?” 

“Given the gravity of the mission, Monthma has chosen to forego the debrief and has put him on leave pending doctors release.”

“Where does he go Kay, after a mission where does he go to gather his thoughts?”

“He usually retreats to his room but…” Whatever Kay was trying to say fell on deaf ears, Jyn already running down the ramp and to where she knew his quarters to be.

Cassian’s room was in a corner were few traveled, there was no one around the here the clanking of metal and flesh on metal or the cries of despair coming from the lone room.

Pounding on the door, Jyn couldn’t find the patience to wait and for him to answer. Punching in the code he’d all but given her, the door slid open to the most heartbreaking of sights.

He’d laid his emotions out that night, stripping himself raw. All she could do is listen and hold him as he cried himself hoarse. 

Eventually, exhaustion overtook him and he fell into a deep slumber, asking her not to leave him before his eyes fell closed.

In a silent agreement, they never spoke of that night. They would seek each other out though, after missions or when the night terrors became too much too bare. Always there to comfort one another in whatever way they could. Sometimes there would be safe embraces and soft words, others there would be no contact, each listening and honing in on the others needs.

...

Tonight, she suspected, would be a night of no touching. He always felt dirty after missions like these, unworthy of even breathing the same air as her, yet Jyn refused to leave him at the mercy of the demons in his head.

Upon landing they left Kay, per usual, to conduct the post-flight check and deliver the report to Darvin as he began the trek to his quarters, Jyn following silently behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These thoughts brought a new bought of shame, knowing that he was not worthy of the woman who was so tender with him. He was not worthy of the trust and kindness she gave so freely.

Jyn Erso was not what Cassian Andor expected, not by a long shot. The holo image he'd been provided was grainy at best, it gave him a primitive description but didn't account for her piercing green eyes and her slight, unassuming, frame that he had no doubt had given her the upper hand in more than one fight.

He knew the extraction from Wobani had not gone the smoothest, turned out Jyn had been a bigger hurdle than the Imperials themselves. 

Melshi had been first to approach him, half his face purple and painted with anger. “You kriffing owe me for this Andor.”

“I don't know what you are talking about.”

"Bantha shit. I don’t know what you want her for but I know this mission is a direct result of your intel and our team was chosen on your recommendation."

"You know I can’t tell you anything Melsh"

"You spooks and your secrets," Melshi said, a smirk forming on his bruised face as he took his leave.

Melshi was the closest thing Cassian had to human connection. The two men had shared a bed a few times and Meshi would check in with him when he returned from a long-term undercover op.

He was one of the best which is exactly why Cassian has requested him, it said a lot about Erso that she was able to gain the upper hand surrounded by the special ops team in such a confined space

It appeared as though the team felt the same as the manacles had been tightly secured around her wrists to the point where he could see where the metal dug into her already raw skin, opening up the old wounds and embedding deeper into her into wrists, not missing how Erso subtly tried in vain to hide the blood that ran down her hands, quietly dripping onto the stone floor. 

Her face betrayed nothing. 

He was slightly taken aback when he stepped from the shadows in which he lived, and her reaction was not one of surprise. It was almost as though she knew he'd been there the entire time.

He knew her story of course, or at least the facts of it, never one to look into the emotional side unless it gave him the upper hand, but her reaction to both Saw and her father caught him off guard. Pain flashed so quickly that he wouldn't have noticed had he not been trained to.

…

Darian's threat was bantha shit, nobody would risk troops to return a prisoner deep in imperial territory, as was Mothman's offer of freedom. There was no such thing as freedom in this age. A new identity was something she could easily create, as well as all the docs to go with it. Jyn was a slicer, and a good one at that, she didn't need the alliance so he was surprised when she agreed.

"You leave tomorrow morning, I release you into Captain Andor’s care," Darvin said as he stood from his chair disappearing into the darkness.

 

Cassian knew from the moment he laid eyes on her that the thought of seeing this woman in chains and behind bars didn’t sit right with him, though he would not understand why until much later. He’d com’d Kay right before the meeting started informing him that there had been a change in plans.

The room meant for visiting dignitaries would now become her holding cell for the night. The private fresher would allow her to clean up with some dignity, clothes and a small healing kit had been left out for her use. 

Her accusation hurt in a way he hadn’t expected. Cassian was a lot of things: murderer, thief, liar, but he would never take advantage of anyone in the way she was implying. Hell, he’d killed men for committing the very same crime.

Cassian told himself gaining her trust was all for the mission.

...

“Trust goes both ways,” her words echoing in his head as they made their way to Jedha. She was expected to trust him, trust that he wouldn’t take advantage or leave her for dead.

Trusting a spy was dangerous, surely she knew that and yet here she was demanding he give her the very same trust they’d demanded of her.

He let her keep the blaster.

…

He’d gone back for her. His objective had been completed on both Jedha and Eadu and yet he’d put himself, and the mission, in jeopardy to ensure her survival, he wouldn’t pinpoint the why until after their fight on the stolen Imperial shuttle.

She was the first person to call his bullshit for what it was and he realized, as those fierce green eyes stared into his very soul, that he would follow this woman to the end of the earth and back again.

And follow he did.

Apologies were meaningless to both of them, nothing but pretty words that accomplished nothing, so he brought her an army and welcomed her home, the promise of a future neither thought they’d live to see.

...

Cassian didn’t need to look back to know that Jyn was following him. It was now a ritual to which both had become accustomed.

He began stripping off his clothing the moment he stepped foot into the space he called his own, not caring that Jyn was mere steps behind him.

Missions like this had also made him uncomfortable, dirty even, but something about this one sank deep into his bones and rattled every part of his being. He couldn’t undress and get into the fresher fast enough, longing to wash away the overpowering smell of perfume, the ghost of her hands running over his body.

The physical response his body had to the mark was just that, but it didn’t stop the guilt and embarrassment that festered within him. When he came he felt nothing but cold and emptiness. 

And Jyn.

Jyn had been there to witness the entire thing, to see first hand just what kind of man he was. What kind of man, no monster, he was willing to become all for the sake of a cause to which he’d committed his life.

Nothing surprised him more than the light rapping of knuckles on the fresher door and a hesitant voice asking permission to enter. Unable to talk, he simply cracked the door open, a silent invitation.

Instead of seeing disgust or pity on her face he found, instead, understanding and worry.

She moved about the fresher like one might do with an injured animal, giving him every opportunity to stop her at any time. Turning on the spray, she tentatively reached up towards the buttons of the shirt he’d been told to wear, waiting for his approval before starting the slow process of removing it. Taking care to undo each clasp as though he wasn’t going to burn it later.

Jyn stripped him down to his boxers before slowly removing her own clothes save for her undergarments. 

Offering him her hand, she led him under the now warm water and proceeded to wash away the day's remnants. 

He found that her touch didn’t make him cringe, quite the opposite in fact. He became putty in her hands as her steady hands ran against his skin, practiced fingers dancing through his hair as he leaned down grant her better access.

These thoughts brought a new bought of shame, knowing that he was not worthy of the woman who was so tender with him. He was not worthy of the trust and kindness she gave so freely. 

It wasn’t until they climbed into bed that the tears came. Jyn said nothing, merely wrapping her arms around his broken body and let him fall apart in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and, as always, comments and constructive criticism are always welcomed.
> 
> Mistakes are my own.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this is going if I'm being honest. I'm currently working on chapter two and just letting the story write itself.


End file.
